on polyamory

today my college crush asked if i was going through a breakup again.

he saw my second attention-seeking instagram story about heartbreak in the span of a month and was concerned. but i froze. how was i going to tell him those were both stories about different people?

till now, the narrative worked in my favour. he either thinks i’m a fuckboy/slut equivalent with a heart or that i’m in a toxic on-off relationship. both roughly equate to single and definitely equate to available. (for him). that is crucial.

the former is a translation of the truth that i accept.

the latter helps me preserve self-respect.

so i need to find a response that can sustain both narratives in plausible deniability. and i must remain naughty.

i look at him incredulously. jaw drops like haww. eyes wide, i gesture to the people around us. he sees the performance of a lifetime incoming. his eyes glitter.

“shut upp! ” i play coy.

he laughs.

(baby, you're in on a secret now.)

“you can't just ask me that! ” i dig in.

he's laughing louder. people are noticing.

“not here!”

i roll my eyes and walk away.

what if, in an alternate universe, i write about heartbreak not because my heart is broken, but only because it's the only thing of philosophical interest to me?

what if, in an alternate universe, hearts don't break? they only change.

play taxes by geese. i will break my own heart from now on.

welcome to the rest of your life. any meeting is a date, if you're careful.

to give each other something, to keep, to make something beautiful of the little time we share.

i will not wait to be whole. i will show up at every table with my heart on my sleeve.

every fantasy, ever shah rukh, every romcom falters in the face of my friendships.

kiss everyone.