fuck it, i'm funny

i just lack the confidence.

i’m tired of trying to performatively come into the comedy of living, there's no way to do the bit but do the bit. i think i’m funny.

actually i think everyone is funny. especially once you get to know them.

and trust me, if we could all hear each other's thoughts, then all the unsaid jokes, fleabag asides, and all that perfectly harmonious commentary would sure make us laugh. or atleast snigger.

okay here's something funny. every time i write a substack i’m vaguely proud of, i jerk off after. it's nice to be feeling a little good about myself, it feels great, and it's fucking hilarious.

being funny is just always going to be a little vulnerable. and that's a fun risk to take.

funny, like actually funny funny, is hella queer. not because it’s disruptive, but because it’s vulnerable. to per-form a joke is to become it. like a brick in time at every exhale of your laugh.

and OF COURSE there's a power trip. you feel locked in with the every. thing. for a moment, the universe makes like a radiohead song, and everythi*iíjãiing’s in the right place.

here's a trick question- would you rather make me come or laugh? a-muse me, pls, every joke is an inside joke.

cuz people are funnier the more context you have for their lives, for why the comedy comedies. the trick is to make people feel invited. BUT HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU WANTED IN IF YOU NEVER KNOCKED.

sorry.

let's move on.

like, for example, i love being tickled. the absurdity of shit is laid bare for a moment and there's a complete abandon, an endlessness. hell fuck yeah, tickle me daddy. tickle me till i’m squirming on the floor begging for mercy, and you can go home feeling like sysiphus on a good day. i’m proud of you. i’m rolling.

the greatest comedy show of all time is daily life. routine, ritual whatever you want to call it. habits. when we do things cuz we figured out how to pass the time. fucking, talking, changing the world. god, how it stops mattering why. all how. that's comedy, right? an end in and of itself, the joy of coming together at all, sharing a moment, like a peeled fruit.

and if you know why it's funny to me, no matter how much you hate that i can laugh about my misery, no matter how ‘dark’ it is, please fucking laugh along. i’m a sick freak and i’m holding up a bleeding heart. i’m here to share.